Hello everyone, sorry I have been away so long — doesn’t look very good coming from a newer blogger, does it?
Well, let me explain. First, I will be updating once a week again.. this will be on various subjects – both personal and opinion pieces.
I realize there are some who read these blog posts specifically to see in my life and try to understand what’s going on in my head. And let me say this, no one, not even myself, knows what going on up in the ol’ noggin. Also, what I write is directly related to how I feel and I am very transparent — I don’t lie, but I don’t trash talk people either.
Anyway, onto the recap.
I haven’t updated since June 29th – why is that? Well, let’s be frank: life. Life happened. I started working in Spain, there were some medical issues to attend to (not mine), and then my friend visited me for 2.5 weeks. All of a sudden, WHAM, I’m here typing away while in the comfort of evergreen trees in Washington state.
Wait, what? I’m back in the states? Yes, yes I am. Before you ask, it was a mutual decision and what was best for me.
Now, not many of you know me, but I have always put others first. I drag myself through life with the expectation of nothing, but with the hopes of helping those dear to me. I am back in Washington because this was the best choice for me. Not anyone else. This decision was made with the expectation of making me happier. If this was the “typical” Mararita, I would have stayed in Spain. Would I have been happy? No. Would there have been a possibility that I could’ve made someone else happy? Yes. But at some point I decided to choose myself. You heard right — I decided to choose myself. This seems like a given, right? Choosing your happiness over someone else’s.. but not with my personality. I guess you can call me a people pleaser, because when I care about someone I will always try to inconvenience them a little less than I would myself.
So. What does this all mean? I was suppose to stay in Spain for two years, and now I’m back in Washington state. Now what?
Good question. I am going to pursue life with my best interests. I’m going to wear lipstick on the days that I need a pick me up, I’m going to live off of egg whites, PB&J sandwiches, and top ramen until I can afford real food, and I’m going to just live.
Some of you reading this may know my situation, others may not; regardless, I will admit one thing:
My decision to move back was selfish. Yes, I said it – it was selfish. But when you can no longer find pleasure in the life that you were living, no matter how positive your outlook may be, don’t you owe it to yourself to be selfish?
I would never claim that I am a selfish person, but the day I left Spain was the day I chose myself.
So let me ask you this: When was the last time you chose yourself?
Forever grateful and warmly loving your inner light
PS. Stay tuned for a post within the next few days on finding happiness on your own terms.