When being selfish means choosing yourself

I’m going to begin this with a story, the story of the very person who is writing this post…

There once was girl, and like any other girl she had her insecurities – she had her weaknesses – but she also had her strengths. Growing up in her household meant two things: instability and independence. When speaking of instability it was her entire environment – from household finances, food and utilities, mental and emotional abuse. Her independence was her freedom. She prided herself on how independent she was and how she could function without a hand from another.

But you know what this means for her?

It means she is able to thrive in unstable environments — she can grit her teeth and go through the motions.

It means she is so independent that she doesn’t know when to ask for help – or when she needs help.

Her opinion about herself was low. Her confidence low. Her priority was never herself. And over time she learned to prioritize those who are important to her. She learned that making others happy made life easier, and she learned that it made her feel better about herself. Most importantly, she learned that being selfish meant you prioritized yourself and your happiness…. and that, that was never an option.

This girl is now twenty-five. And a decision was made to stand up for herself, prioritize herself, and to choose happiness.

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This past summer a decision was made – a life-changing decision that either makes or breaks you. You’re either judged or applauded; Scorned or appraised.

In today’s society it is a common decision.

Conscious uncoupling (n.): the act of ending a marriage or romantic relationship in a way which shows that the two people will remain friends and believe that this is a positive thing for their future lives.

I won’t go into details because, let’s be honest, no one cares that much. But the reason for me to stay in Spain came to a bittersweet end – but the catch? It was a decision made predominately for my self. I’ll be the first to admit that it was a selfish decision in the pursuit of finding myself and my happiness.

Let me ask you this — when you make a decision that is suppose to make you a happier person; if it does not benefit anyone aside from yourself, is it selfish?

Regardless. A decision was made. And it was the first decision I’ve made in my entire life that was based solely upon the pursuit of my own happiness.

Do I regret finally choosing myself over that of a person I care for? Yes.

Am I struggling with my newfound independence and instability? Yes.

Do I think this is the best decision for myself and my own happiness? Absolutely.

For a girl who has always put others in front of herself, this decision will never be more than a selfish quest to find happiness. But when happiness is the objective, is it right to judge someone so abrasively? I hope not, because I would never be the judge to those in a similar circumstance.

Some day this girl will learn if it is worth prioritizing herself over others — If her happiness is more important than someone else’s — And if being selfish means choosing yourself.

Until then she asks for understanding, patience, love, and support on her journey.

———

My light within me acknowledges and honors the light within you,

– MM

 

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A quarter century year old Millennial. This is a lifestyle blog for all of her life decisions, documenting the things she does. Like any normal person she tries, succeeds, and often times fails at things. Follow her on a journey of life's mishaps, adventures, and mediocrity.

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